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| Foto: Press |
Janie May från Brooklyn, New York är en fantastisk artist som bär på inte bara en musikalisk rikedom utan också en själslig. Hennes erfarenheter av att bli bemött på ett särskilt sätt på grund av fördomar, hennes förmåga att slå bort nedvärderande ord och gå sin egen väg samt hennes sätt att se på världen och människor berör mig djupt. Hon tittar inte mot människor - hon lyckas verkligen se dem.
Hennes senaste album Not Going Back släpptes i februari och är ett otroligt starkt album där hon försöker få livet att andas igen. Hon väljer sig själv. Hon väljer livet. Hon är ute på andra sidan.
Idag pratar jag med Janie om just att välja sig själv och om hur samhället har särskilda förväntningar på kvinnor.
- Things started to shift around the time of the album release, I think. The process of writing, recording and creating music videos for the songs with people who I respected and who also respected me gave me a great sense of fulfillment and agency.
I started getting good feedback on the songs and videos and felt myself returning to a sense of possibility and freedom that I had not felt since I was maybe 21 or 22. To re-experience that as a woman in her 30s, when society often tells you that your life is "over" if you are unmarried and don’t have children, was perhaps the greatest gift of the whole process.
- I didn’t truly start to see myself as an artist instead of a songwriter until about a year and a half ago and owning that identity and putting my work out there more has been a big part of this process as well. My life started to feel more full and I finally had a project that I was truly proud of and felt confident to share.
It has been an amazing synchronicity to see my own life mirror the trajectory of the album over the course of the last year and a half.
You’ve described the album as a kind of hypothetical soundtrack to a sequel to Anora. What is it about Anora’s story that resonated so strongly with you while you were writing the record?
- So much. She is a fighter, a shrewd woman with hustle and a lot of heart, but simultaneously someone who has been rejected, objectified, belittled and ostracized. While I have had significant privilege compared to her character, to see a woman from the relatively unglamorous part of Brooklyn on the big screen was unexpected and exciting. As Brooklyn has gentrified over the past 25 years, this was even more meaningful. She is from an "ethnic" part of Brooklyn that few NYC transplants have ever been to, but one that I know quite well; it felt especially significant because of that.
- And while I am college educated, my life has not been without its difficulties. I grew up with a parent who has suffered with a mental illness for decades and have had to navigate a somewhat difficult family estrangement. In college, I shadowed a Broadway producer who turned out to be a predator and was later arrested - nothing happened to me but the experience left me traumatized for quite some time afterward and quite wary of further involvement in the entertainment industry for years. I have had countless instances of people assuming that I was quite dumb or people treating me differently because I am "ethnic".
- In the context of the relationship that I had just come out of when I started writing the album, there was also a lot of overlap with the film. It very much was a situation where I was seen as "not good enough" by this person’s family and one where I ultimately felt duped - I thought there was real love and a desire for a shared future there, but in the end I realized that this person really only wanted a "trophy" girlfriend to show off.
Ultimately, I couldn’t help but wonder where her character would go from that final scene and the idea of post-traumatic growth was something that came to mind for me; sometimes when you have been broken down you become unstoppable once you heal because you are no longer afraid to fail. In my mind I wanted that to be her progression. How would she take this setback and turn it into something great? If there is one thing that being on the margins teaches you, it’s how to be resourceful. There is also a freedom in people not expecting anything of you - you can experiment and take chances, some of which can pay off in major ways if you’re strategic.
The idea of "not going back" can apply to so many things - a relationship, a job, a city, or even a certain state of mind. Was there a particular moment in your own life that inspired that phrase and ultimately became the album’s central idea?
- For me, the concept of not going back really applies to a state of mind. Women are often accustomed to prioritizing the needs of others over their own. I had to go through the experience of uprooting my life for someone who ultimately seemed to see me as nothing more than an accessory to truly understand what my value is and to know that I should not settle for someone who can’t see it.
- I had experienced the ultimate rejection and reached a point where something shifted, perhaps out of necessity. I have reached a place where I trust that the right people who are meant to be in my life will find me - so much in life is dependent on the power of belief; there is great magic and mystery to how this world and universe works.
Coming to acknowledge my own sense of agency, something that can be very difficult for women even those who are quite independent, was really a turning point in my own life and something that I really have only started to embody deeply in the past year I would say. As women, we grow up with the idea of a "prince charming"; the reality is that no one is going to save anyone in this life. Acknowledging that can be both scary but also empowering; so many women stay in relationships that are unfulfilling or downright abusive due to financial concerns, etc.
- The lyrics for the chorus to the title track came to me in a dream on July 4th, Independence Day in the US, of last year. It was a very vivid dream and at the time I was mainly just happy to have finished the song. When thinking about how to structure the songs on the album and what to name it, I felt that going with that song would be significant. Looking back, I believe it was the right choice as it encapsulated exactly what I wanted the central message of the album to be.
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| Foto: Press |
There’s a fascinating tension in the album’s message: choosing yourself can be incredibly liberating, but it can also be frightening and painful. Did writing these songs help you understand that tension differently?
- I think it can be a bold move in a society where independent women are often viewed with suspicion. It is easy for women like this to be seen as “man haters” or “traumatized”. I am neither, but I also know that I would rather be on my own than with someone who doesn’t see me fully and doesn’t support my goals.
I have always been somewhat of a loner and I think that writing these songs helped me to finally embrace that identity. I am social and genuinely like people but I also value solitude. I also really value good sleep!
- In my college years I felt great pressure to be more of an extrovert; I think embracing the identity of being an artist has been helpful for that. For a long time it struck me as a pretentious thing to see myself as. But looking back, it’s who I always have been. I stopped trying to fight the current although art is not regarded here with the same value that is in Europe and other parts of the world.
You work as a therapist and describe music as an extension of that work, with the power to inspire, uplift and heal. Do you approach songwriting differently because of your work with people and your understanding of emotions?
- That is a good question. I think I am very comfortable with expressing my emotions and always have been. I think I do try to understand the motivations of others and that can play out lyrically; it’s hard for me to truly see someone as "evil" or "bad"; we’re all human, after all. I think it can lead to lyrics that are more nuanced and reflective as a result, perhaps.
My work as a therapist has made me realize how common so many core life themes are. Many people are scared or ashamed to seek therapy but heartbreak, betrayal, grief, loss, infatuation, love, etc. are all shared experiences. Realizing this has made me feel less self conscious about my writing, I think.
Part of the process is also very much unconscious or subconscious - I often have ideas and melodies pop into my head somewhat randomly. I have had lyrics come to me in dreams, as was the case for the title track of the album. I have had ideas for videos pop into my head as a strong image that seems quite clear.
- I am a very spiritual person and think there is a great amount of intuition involved in both the songwriting process and the work of a therapist. It’s a similar process in many ways, at least for me. Knowing what questions to ask someone or going with a gut feeling that turns out to be right is similar to the intuition that can be involved in figuring out which chords to use or where to take a song lyrically or thematically.
Now that Not Going Back has been out since February, how do you hear the album differently compared with when you were making it - and has the meaning of "not going back" changed for you at all?
- Art can have a magical quality to it and I do believe that I have internalized the message of the album. I have had friends comment on this as well and I feel more at ease in trusting the journey of my life and art. It is a risk to put your art out there but I think living an authentic life is no different; many people make certain choices out of fear. I am proud to not have done that; it might make me an outlier but I am at peace with that.
I think something that a lot of artists experience is not connecting with certain songs years after they write them. But in listening to and performing these songs, I still feel connected to and proud of all of them.
- To me that is a great measure of success - I don’t see myself getting tired of these songs. The challenge, now, though, is that the bar is set higher for me for my next project. But I trust that the right ideas will come when they are supposed to.
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